1st major hurdle coming up okaaaaay.
Some incredibly selfish friends decided to a) get born on the 4th of Jan and b) get married on the 5th of Jan. I have to go celebrate both. Sober Woe is me!
Old me at joyous social occasion;
Feel nervous all day,
choose outfit, with a couple glasses of wine
feel like I look like shit (amongst other small pointless party related worries)
row with partner when he doesn’t tell me I look anything but sensational,
travel to party anxious,
arrive with fake scary smile plastered on face,
race to bar and buy a massive round to make everyone believe I am not in a grump, or emotionally unstable,
drink 1st drink quickly whilst pretending to listen to someone but really thinking of next drink,
make up with partner when see loved-up -relaxed-couple and the way I’d like to be rather than anxious stressed bitch (must be like dating a yo-yo)
he buys me a drink,
repeat repeat repeat,
he wants to stay I want to leave,
more drinks, having a good old booozey time now,
have a few cigarettes cos everyone else does, and I’ve lost all resistance
more alcohol because now dread going home,
fight with partner over something v silly,
book cab for extortionate price cos missed last train,
eat a shit load & drink a few glasses alone when I get home cos I starved myself before party
Watch a true crime doc or flight disaster doc or something equally macabre, alone, just to finish me off
go to bed feeling sad, drunk and smelling like cigarettes,
wake up feeling depressed, rotten and empty,
apologise to partner, he is confused by the whole ordeal
Beat myself up for 2 days,
Drink congratulatory wine on the 3rd day when I’ve made up with myself because hey I’m actually a great person…?!
Until I’m not.
I’m exhausted even typing that shit, am I really as neurotic as I sound?! Eeeek Tomorrow I’m putting together a New Me Party Plan to ensure I don’t crutch on alcohol when the party-going gets tough. Don’t think I’ll cave but a little action plan never hurt anyone. We’ll see