Day 2. Saved by the Bath

GRUMPY!! You see normally a drink would take the edge off but sober me’s got to sit in this…..

So I’ll sit in it, in the bath. Read plenty of sober literature of late (the unexpected joy of being sober 👌👌) to get me in the dry mood, baths were mentioned multiple times by multiple sources so I’m diving in. Probably crack open a Becks Blue to sit on the corner next to my pongy candle and book….

Pongy Candle to the rescue.

Probably it’s a simple case of work-in-the-morning blues or holiday-over-blues. I get ALL the shades of blue then dull them with red wine, which is sad because I actually love my work.

Partner and I returned to beloved London from holiday in North Wales so had a long drive after a lovely morning run along the lake. Just tired I suppose.

Bath, then bed.

Day 1

New Year’s Day. 2020.

Started this blog to document & inspire me to get through this year of sobriety. Typing YEAR is very very scary.

I’ll be addressing a few major problems here as I’m going full out honesty. I’m on the tail end of a combo of very glamorous issues including disordered eating and alcohol dependence – yay – if nothing else I promise to make this a dramatic read!

Annoyingly I can’t seem to completely kick either BUT have been making great progress with each I.e I no longer plan my days around avoiding food and I’m not squiffy everyday. But I want to cut both out my life for good. No drink. No cray cray food obsession.

So day 1 nearly done I’m feeling good. Got my Becks Blue in my hand, my dog resting on my lap and my partner by my side who’s agreed to help me kick this shit too. I’m not expecting it to be easy but I feel strong enough to begin to think it’s possible.

Thanks for reading, please follow, leave comments or whatever. I think I might need all the help I can get.

Xx

Goodbye wine….

As The new decade approaches I’m feeling buzzed. I’m not desperately downing all the Beaujolais I can source in the run up to ‘Day 0’ (01/01/20) because like a relationship gone stale, quite frankly I’m sick of being anywhere near it.

I’ve ‘moderated’ this Christmas to ease myself into cold turkey on the 1st. I’ve willingly been designated driver, had more coffee than I care to admit and been completely void of personality at 7pm most evenings.

I (of course) stumbled at the last hurdle, and got off my face on Boxing Day. Like pity sex with a soon-to-be-ex, it was satisfiying at the time, but when I woke I wanted to gouge my own eyeballs out. Mainly with the guilt and shame of knowing this was something terribly bad for me but that I was doing it anyway. Oh yeah and hangovers are just fucking awful in every way these days.

It took the most miniscule insinuation that I might be boring, and a glass turned into a bottle… Or 2. There in lies the problem and my Achilles heal. I’m scared that I can’t do this, that I’ll lose friends, that I AM ACTUALLY boring. Mostly I’m scared that I’m weak and the grip this thing has on me is far more than I imagined. But I’m finally willing to find out because I don’t want to be weak anymore.

So goodbye wine, hello my dry london life……..but maybe a few for NYE first….

fuck.